This week, the Olympics and the political career of our accidental governor both slowly, painfully ground to a halt.
Our Olympic fever has mostly broken. But: Olympic Ice Dancing is all about racial drag. The non-competition part of the Olympic experience are mostly about awkward encounters. Olympic families: thoroughly weird. Lady Ice Skaters ruined the whole thing. (Along with the Internet.) But maybe the whole thing was just cursed!
Google CEO Eric Schmidt was slightly evil to his former mistress. Good doctors make bad neighbors. (And crazy pet owners. Newsreaders enjoy sex. A local man throws parties in his apartment. (So does a Facebook co-founder.) 911 remains a joke. Apple wants no sexy shenanigans in its App Store. Why not just check yourself into rehab preemptively, like we invaded Iraq? NIceness is just another word for selling out. Some scandals have ensemble casts—let's remember the beloved character actors who make them so much fun. The Yonkers DMV is run more or less the way you expected. Jennifer Lopez never even happened. (Rupert Murdoch is trending in the same direction.) New Jersey is keeping it sexy. There's nothing wrong with that Variety review $400,000 wouldn't fix. Scott Brown's friends don't like him anymore.
Please: don't do this to your genitals.
David Paterson's had better weeks. The Times accused him of a colossal abuse of power. This was pretty much it for him. He very briefly disappeared, but then he returned, to announce that he would not be running for governor.