The Vancouver Olympics come to a close tonight after two weeks of what was arguably the most mishap-filled competition in modern history. Inside, a look at all the "best of the worst" Olympic moments that made these Games worth forgetting.
Friday, February 12
Before the opening ceremony had even taken place, the Games were marred by the tragic death of Georgian luger Nodar Kumaritashvili, who was ejected from the track during a training run and sustained fatal head injuries. Olympic officials quickly modified the track in an attempt to make it safer (even though its stability had already been questioned), but the sting from the tragedy did not bode well for the next two weeks.
Later that day, the opening ceremonies were held. And while not as dramatic or visual as those of the Beijing Games in 2008, they went off without a hitch—until this "major technical malfunction" happened.
And if that wasn't bad enough, commenter wilmawonker pointed out that the totems used in the opening ceremony looked eerily similar to a certain sex toy.
Sunday, February 14
Joe Biden's motorcade got into ANOTHER accident, and—this time—Olympic champions Peggy Fleming and Vonetta Flowers were injured. Oy.
Monday, February 15
This was not a good day for the Olympics. Where to start, where to start?
First, Richard Lawson pointed out the awkwardness of the beanbag chairs that skiers were forced to sit on over the weekend.
Over at Deadspin, Dashiell Bennett was ready to call the whole thing a failure, highlighting NBC's horrible coverage and a few other moments worth of a shaking head.
And then there was the epic electric Zamboni fail that delayed the speed skating competition, which—incidentally—was one of the only things NBC planned on airing live that night.
Ah, yes: the pairs figure skating fail. These are supposed to be the world's best, right? Well, it sure didn't look like it. Here's a compilation of all of the falling.
Tuesday, February 16
First, we'll give credit where credit's due: some of the figure skaters have really nice asses. OK, moving on...
Hey, you know that music NBC uses for its Olympics coverage? Did you ever think it sounded familiar? Well, it should: it's the theme song from the '90s series The Adventures of Brisco County, Jr..
Speaking of NBC, it aired elusive LIVE footage of the Biathlon, and Norway's Ole Einar vomited (which went totally unacknowledged by the commentators, naturally).
Men's figure skating began this day, too! And [insert euphemism here] American skater Johnny Weir performed a great routine, but was shafted (ha) by the judges and given scores good enough for only sixth place after his short program. At least he got to dance to Poker Face as he awaited his marks.
Oh, yeah: NBC also tried to reignite the Cold War with its piece on Evgeni Plushenko.
Wednesday, February 17
Canada finally realized that its electric ice-resurfacing machines SUCKED, and brought in American Zambonis to do the job.
There were also a ton of epic falls during the women's alpine skiing competition, like this one.
Mike Byhoff pointed out that China's ice dancing team had an interesting way of warming up.
NBC reporters don't know who Dutch speed skating champions are, and they think that's stupid.
Speaking of NBC, Stephen Colbert visited Bob Costas and revealed that basically nothing was genuine about the network's coverage of the Games.
Also: Shaun White's coach loves to swear on live television, and NBC doesn't like to censor it.
And finally, Maureen O'Connor reported on the unfortunate infiltration of hipster style in Vancouver.
Thursday, February 18
Johnny Weir skated another near-perfect routine, and was again screwed by the judges and given scores that placed him in sixth place.
Meanwhile, nearly every other male figure skater fell on his ass.
And Richard Lawson wondered how those horrible ski falls we told you about above don't kill the athletes.
Friday, February 19
Sunday, February 21
Russia's ice dancing duo toned down their offensive Aboriginal costumes, but not the ridiculousness of their routine.
And Maureen O'Connor examined the "Olympic Racial Drag" of the ice dancing costumes as a whole.
Monday, February 22
This was the night when ice dancing went completely insane, and also the night when NBC thought it would be a good idea to air a promo like this (remember, four of the ice dancing pairs were siblings).
NBC opted not to show the Israeli ice dancing sibling pair, who danced (suggestively, according to some) to the music from Schindler's List, but we brought you the video, anyway.
And in sad news, Growing Pains star Andrew Koenig was reported missing in Vancouver.
Tuesday, February 23
Adrian Chen explained that Team Nordic Combined is the Most Boring Olympic Sport.
Was there really much that wasn't boring at this point?
Also, American figure skater Mirai Nagasu's nose bled at the end of her routine—an investigation as to why ensued.
Wednesday, February 24
As if they weren't already dead enough, Richard Lawson explained how the Olympics could be killed by the American lady figure skaters.
And after the Canada vs. Russia hockey game, sportscaster Mike Milbury let his racist flag fly and used "Eurotrash" when describing the losing team.
Thursday, February 25
At this point, we think it's safe to say that they were already ruined.
Also, in more sad news: Andrew Koenig's body was found in Vancouver. He had committed suicide.
Friday, February 26
Figure skating made Scott Hamilton orgasm.
NBC subjected us to this Tonight Show promo.
The Canadian women's hockey team won the gold medal. And then they got drunk and smoked on the ice. And then people were upset. And then, ugh, who cares?
Apolo Ohno skated for gold in the men's short track 500M race. He won silver. And then he was disqualified (in a controversial decision).
And finally, Richard Lawson asked if the Vancouver Olympics were cursed.
We'll let you decide for yourself, but—judging from everything presented above—we'd be surprised if your answer was "No."
Better luck next time?