Tonight, The Oprah Winfrey Oscar Special graced us with its presence. We knew that it would be full of CELEBRITIEEEEEEES, and we knew that they would interview each other. But we learned some new things, too! Inside, some standout moments.

OK, so instead of a traditional recap of the special—good and bad moments alike—I thought it'd be more fun to show you five of the random, funny, awkward moments that taught us something we may not have known before. So, here they are.

1) Penelope Cruz Still Cannot Grasp the English Language

Cruz has been candid before about being lost in translation—she used to ask for a "blowjob" at the hair salon instead of a "blow dry" (bonus: [click here] for the best thread EVER)—and her interview with Halle Berry tonight proved that she's still working on it. One word: balls.

2) James Cameron Is a Bad Liar

Silly James Cameron, still trying to make people believe that he'd actually be happy if ex-wife Kathryn Bigelow beat him in the Best Director category. You're not fooling anyone, sir.

3) Zoe Saldana Gives Six-Year-Olds Too Much Credit

During the mutual masturbation session that was Cameron interviewing the cast of Avatar—Zoe Saldana, Sigourney Weaver and Sam Worthington—Saldana recalled the time she took her six-year-old niece to see the movie, and assumed that the little girl's lack of bathroom breaks and need for "a moment" to think about the move afterward meant that it had changed the world (Cameron agrees).

4) Ben Affleck Thinks It's "Niiiice" to Be Hit on By Gay Men

Ben Affleck interviewed The Hurt Locker's Jeremy Renner, and it was... interesting. They were both... really happy? Draw your own conclusions. Anyway, Affleck asked Renner if he'd like children, before spouting some random stuff about how becoming a parent changes a man, and then he had an interesting reaction to Renner's claim that his increase in profile has drawn attention from both sexes.

5) Michael Douglas Believes America Wants Nothing More than to See Him Choke a Woman

In the special's final segment, Michael Douglas and Glenn Close reunited to interview each other and watch clips from their 1987 film, Fatal Attraction. Close described her disdain with the fact that the film's ending was re-shot at the last minute, before Douglas chimed in with something about how what the people really wanted was to see her character choked to death.

Well, that's it! Aren't you happy you stopped by? Thought so.

Winfrey will likely be back with another Oscar special next year (and so will Barbara Walters, even though she claims to be "over it"). Until then!