Yesterday Kari Ferrell came here and answered like, 178 questions from you people. We've condensed that to five. Hipster Grifter CliffsNotes, below.

From ScottRaphael: "Hey Kari, great to finally have a direct line to you. My question, since the beginning, has always been "Why does anyone give a shit? Why would anyone care about your fake cancer even?" Seriously, not even the intense love / hate the blogoedron had for you, but I mean, just in general?"
KF: "I have no idea. Tell me if you find out."
We Say: Look within yourself, reader.

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From DennyCrane: "Is women's prison anything like those movies they show on Cinemax late at night?"
KF: "Man, I wish."
We Say: Even a completely heterosexual woman would prefer it to be so.

From notfred: "I've read some of your stuff on that other web site, will you ever do some serious writing? I think you might actually be good. Oh, crap, watch the haters come out..."
KF: "I would consider it, but don't think I'm good enough to do so."
We Say: Everyone who says that is lying, for modesty!

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From Mymoustache: "Why don't you go away?"
KF: "I've tried!"
We Say: See #1.

From Constantine Koutsoutis: "How much did it cost you to get Gawker to do this?"
KF: "My dignity."
We Say: The price was the same for all of us.