President Lindsey Graham Soon to Announce New Terror Tribunals

In November of 2008, almost 70,000,000 Americans voted to elect South Carolina Senator Lindsey Graham Commander-in-Chief of the United States. Now Vice President Rahm Emanuel is finally taking charge in the War on Terror.

Ha ha ha, just kidding, it is actually this guy named Obama who won that election. Lindsey Graham is just the guy who in charge of Obama's Justice Department.

Some background: late last month, the Washington Post's "funny costume" columnist Dana Milbank wrote an opinion column about how Rahm Emanuel was the only guy in the White House who really knows the score. On March 1, the Washington Post had an actual news story about how Rahm Emanuel was "the voice of reason" in the White House.

Supposedly, Rahm was not actually very happy with either of these stories, because he is a consummate pro and he does not like to make his boss look bad. But still: a few days later, the Post has a scoop: Rahm just won a policy debate!

Attorney General Eric Holder had this crazy, completely unrealistic idea that America should prosecute the war on terror with respect for our ideals and the rule of law, politics be damned. He is so cute, that one! (He will probably resign before David Paterson does.)

But Rahm Emanuel knows that the key to waging this War on Terror is to rack up tangible political victories that will make the President look good. Which is why Greg Craig was forced out after his disastrous attempt to do a morally right thing that the President promised he would do (closing Guantanamo) and why the administration is now taking cues on law enforcement from a Republican South Carolina Senator.

So: any second now, the administration will announce that it's given up on trying Khalid Sheik Mohammed in civilian court, and it will, instead, send him to a military tribunal. Because that is what John McCain's sidekick wants.

Top Obama advisers have been negotiating with Sen. Lindsey O. Graham (R-S.C.) — a vocal critic of trying the Sept. 11 suspects in civilian court — in pursuit of a deal that would secure his help in closing Guantanamo. Graham has sought the creation a legal framework that would spell out how the government would detain and try future captives, but an administration official warned that a "grand bargain" is not likely in the immediate future. The official, also speaking on the condition of anonymity, said the talks with Graham have been mostly about "limited issues" involving the Mohammed trial and the future of Guantanamo.

Good thing they're sacrificing their principles to win the qualified support of one Republican Senator who actually has no influence over the rest of his party! Maybe if Obama just keeps compromising with people, Republicans will stop attacking him completely, and they will finally acknowledge that he's not a terrorist who wants to hurt America. Just give up one more fundamental tenet of human rights and Liz Cheney will totally stop being so mean!