Luann, Countess of Crackerjacks, hosted a premiere party for the Real Housewives of New York last night.
All Most of the girls were there and they made the mistake of letting us in with a camera. Fun!
The party was held at La Pomme and there was an open bar and a packed crowd of PR girls giving Blair Waldorf season one realness, the type of ladies who wear fur in the rain, and a bunch of badly dressed men who stood out even more thanks to the gays in attendance. Actually, it was a bit like the Fake Housewives of New York, with a bunch of older Manhattanites with faces stretched thinner than Eliot Spitzer's attention at a stripper convention. A little sad, but they were having fun and feeling important, so that's all that matters.
Sadly, there was no drama. Maybe that is because Bethenny Frankel and Alex McCord didn't show up. We heard that the whole cast spent the day doing press and that a different Bravo minder was assigned to Jill Zarin, Luann Crackerjacks, and Kelly to keep the show's warring factions separate. But everyone else was there, including the new girls. They mostly talked to their own friends and worked the room doing interviews, taking pictures, hawking for the liquor sponsor, and doing the things reality TV types do at a party in New York.
Let's look at some pictures.
Our old intern Jill Zarin was happy to see us, as always, and led us around the room making introductions, including to her son (handsome!) and daughter. Then she disappeared into the night, talking a blue streak and having a good time. Oh, Jill. Never change.
Jill dropped us off in Kelly Bensimon Land, which is ruled over by Princess Kelly. She is tall and pretty and dresses nice and smells like wonderful feminine things, like the Victoria's Secret in the Paramus Park Mall. She quickly started talking shit about Bethenny, calling her a "soap opera character" and saying she didn't get her. She really wants people to like her and to repair her image as a mean, silly ditz that she got from last season. She said this year she's sticking up for herself and showing us the real Kelly. Also, she and Jill share everything now. Except clothes and Kelly's family Snickerdoodle recipe.
Here is Ramona making a crazy face because that is what she does. She was there with her husband, but she was sitting with some really sexy stranger. Let's start a rumor!
Here is Malan Breton, Project Runway also-ran, talking to "celebrity blogger" Tia Walker. She was nice and shared some gossip about Real Housewives not getting along with people, which isn't really news, because that is their profession, but it was still fun to hear.
Countess Luann couldn't get any Swedish meatballs, so she tried to eat her guests.
Here is Luann's attractive boyfriend Claus (?) and new Housewife Jennifer Gilbert, who was very sweet. She spent a good part of the night looking lost and alone, maybe because no one knows that she's special and on TV yet.
Here is Jennifer doing the photo call with other new Housewife, Sonja Morgan. A rep from Bravo asked if I had met Sonja. I lied and said yes because I am scared of her and I already like Jennifer more. So there!
Look, it's Hung! Remember? From Top Chef! He and Malan were the only other Bravo stars. Not even a Kelly Cutrone or an Andy Cohen. For shame!
This is the Williamsburg Hair Guy's father! Not really. It's Phil Spector.
Broadway hottie Nick Adams is looking ridiculous, which is good for the rest of us because he is so damn gorgeous that it is unfair and he will suck all the good things in life into the black hole of beauty that hovers around him.
The only people watching the show were Mario Singer and Bobby Zarin. Everyone else was just talking and drinking. About 45 minutes in, they gave up on the concept of actually watching the premiere and went back to the DJ and played the tape with no sound. Maybe that's because Bethenny was on and about to get in a fight with Luann. Maybe it's because ABBA sounds so, so sweet.
This is the party. We survived another one.