This week HBO's jean-making drama didn't mention denim, but there was all this bullshit about boyfriends and ex-boyfriends and birthday parties and Avenue. The moral? If you want any attention from the NYC ladeez, you better have a flat stomach.

That's right, just check out Rachel's handsome boyfriend Darren. Not only is he a super-rich, successful hotelier that pours champagne for his girlfriend while she lies in bed on her birthday, but check out the physique. It's like he's been doing 700 crunches a day since being the captain of the crew team back in Cambridge. That's because he knows the new rules of New York City. He is not going to get any unless he is in top condition. He's like a race horse that has won the Kentucky Derby and is now being rented out to stud. No, the women in the city will not be lured in with his charm, his station, or his beautiful apartment. They will not enjoy the luxury of the stability he could bring them, the special little efforts he puts into celebrating them, or the general bon vivancy he brings to their world. They want David, they want Adonis. This is a new world, and even straight ladies are down with the body fascism when it comes to their mates.

Just ask Ben Sapstein's friend Capo. They finally get this Wall Street square into super hip Avenue (if your idea of superhip is watching Lindsay Lohan and a bunch of girls from Jersey get drunk on a weeknight) and what does he do? He blows his shot with a model because he hasn't been doing enough cardio. He meets her and she is initially turned off by his Ed Hardy exterior. But the neon kaffia wasn't enough to dissuade her, and eventually his charm, persistence, and fat pay check work through her gruff exterior and she's grinding with him on the dance floor. Well, as close as you can get to grinding with a model. They are so bony that their pelvis will actually grind your flesh if you start rubbing too close.

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Then, as they were getting more intimate and she rubs her hands over his body, she fells it: the pudge. If a man can not work 70 hours a week to make millions in bonuses from a financial institution and find a few hours out of the week to get on a stair stepper, then he has absolutely no social currency in the New York dating scene. It's all about looks these days, gentleman. After all, having the Hamptons beach house is no longer enough. You have to look good in your Prada swimsuit while grilling up low-fat burgers on the grill as well. That is why corpulent Capo is with his boys in the white Bentley instead of taking the model back to Murray Hill and why Bowflex model Darren is getting a night full of birthday sex with smoking hot Rachel. Poor, poor Capo. Hope you enjoy those blitzes at Veselka, fatty, they're all you're gonna have to keep you warm at night.