Osbourne Breasts for Sale on eBay and Other Nightmares

Sharon fantasizes about a capitalist end for her "waterbed" chest. Lil' Wayne is finally at Rikers, and now we know his real height. Kelly Cutrone saves the world with her vibrator. Tuesday gossip is climactic.

  • Sharon Osbourne is sick of her 34DD's. "I wish I had never had my breasts done. They have put these bloody great bags in that are too fucking round. It is like a waterbed on your chest. I have my [breasts]. I want to have the bags taken out—then I will put them on eBay." Among the many reasons that this is disgusting: A dramatic removal may be inspired by Kimberly Stewart, who, upon getting sick of her implants, had them removed and gave them to Sharon's son Jack, who glued them to his bathroom wall. [DailyMail]

  • New couple? Jamie Foxx spent a warm, couple-y Oscar night with Clueless star Stacey Dash, who recently divorced her (wait for it) third husband. She hasn't done anything, really, since Clueless. What does Stacey do now? How does she support herself? Was she invited to these parties, or was she Jamie's +1? [Gatecrasher]

  • Speaking of odd couples: "Torture porn" director Eli Roth went to the Vanity Fair Oscar party with Peaches Geldof, the fameball musician's daughter half his age, whose knees and hands he cupped and held and snuggled disconcertingly before flashing cameras, [fig.1] while Peaches tweeted stuff like "Shit just got real." [DailyMail]

  • A casting director told Gabourey Sidibe to lose weight. Unsurprising, still uncomfortable. [NBN]

  • After much ado, Lil' Wayne is finally in prison on Rikers Island, where he will stay for a year. Official records [fig.2] show Dwayne Carter is 5'5", 130 lbs., and 27 years old. [TMZ] [MattChew] [NYCDC]

  • Famed Chateau Marmont and Standard hotelier Andrew Balazs is shopping "a scripted series about what happens behind the scenes at top hotel." Hopefully it will be one big blind item about his fabulous life. [P6]

  • A sex toy scene on Kell on Earth was only going to appear online, but super publicist Kelly Cutrone demanded they televise it: "It was important to me that we spread the message that shopping for sex toys is OK." Kelly Cutrone: Changing the world by showing it her vibrator. [P6]

  • Money where his vegan mouth is: Bob Barker is giving $2.5 million to PETA. How mystifying that this old white host of a game show about thriftiness spends his spare time and hard-earned millions advocating animal liberation and the removal of puppies' testicles from their bodies. [P6]

  • The woman accusing Ben Roethlisberger of sexually assaulting her after a night at a Georgia bar has dropped out of college and is living at home with her parents. At twenty, she is below the legal drinking age, though nobody's said yet whether this is good for Ben (the victim broke the law) or bad for him (if he bought her beverages, then he illegally plied an underaged person with alcohol before wading into the sphere of murky consent). [TMZ] [TMZ]

  • The Bachelor cheater Rozlyn Papa's sex tape is now available for public consumption at Pornhub.com. Apparently she gives a blowjob to a "sizable gentleman." What's worse: Having a sex tape online against your will, or having a sex tape online against your will that nobody cares enough to download? [TMZ]

  • Levi Johnston paid $21K in back child support to Bristol. Said Johnston's rep, "The money came out of his pocket." [TMZ]

  • Of The Blind Side Michael Moore asks, "What does an African-American feel watching this movie? And what do they think watching Precious?" He could always ask one, but it's easier to muse. [Wrap]

  • Marie Osmond buried 18-year-old son Michael Bryan Blosil in Provo, Utah. Michael committed suicide last week. [NYDN]
Figure 1.
Osbourne Breasts for Sale on eBay and Other Nightmares

Figure 2.
Osbourne Breasts for Sale on eBay and Other Nightmares