You're Not a Loser, You're Just Sexually Anorexic

You might be. If you have not gotten laid in a while, and haven't really been trying, you could have sexual anorexia, an actual medical problem. This is what world famous celebrity rehabist Dr. Drew tells us this morning anyway.

Well, he told some concerned fellow from Minneapolis who wrote in to the New York Times, curious about the opposite of nymphomania. Dr. Drew informed him of the term 'sexual anorexia' and filled him in on the deets:

Many times patients with sexual addictions and compulsions will have a "bipolar," so to speak, swing to their sexual desire, in which they may move between periods of intense sexual activity followed by periods of sexual anorexia.

Addiction is one thing, but compulsion? Don't we all, in some way, have sexual compulsions? So this is about us!

Basically it's what happens when you go from college to, well, not being in college. Or when you turn thirty or something. Basically if you're not having sex, and frankly aren't really even trying to anymore, you probably have a mental disorder. That's all. It's not that you're convinced no one will ever be sexually attracted to you because you are so hideous and awful and you are wasting your salad days drunkenly watching reruns of Law & Order: SVU (the sexy one!) instead of going out and meeting people and maybe you should just bite the bullet and sign up for Match.com and be done with it because you're twenty-seven in May and, oh God, how did it get to this point?

Um. Sorry. But yeah, it's not you, it's your mental disease. Don't worry. Dr. Drew told us so. Don't worry. Don't worry.