President Lindsey Graham Is Getting Things Done

American Commander-in-Chief Lindsey Graham has been keeping himself incredibly busy lately, tackling all the tough issues that the American people sent him to Washington to fix. Let's look at some of his efforts.

In the War on Terror, Commander-in-Chief Graham is forcefully making the case for military tribunals for suspected terrorists in tense negotiations with the rump Democratic minority. Lame duck "President" Obama proposed a civilian trial for Khalid Shaikh Mohammed, and pledged to close the offshore Guantanamo Bay detention facility.

But Commander-in-Chief Graham, who commands one very powerful vote in the US Senate, will only allow the President to close Gitmo if KSM is tried before a military tribunal. Graham knows that a civilian trial means classified evidence will be accidentally released, even though military tribunals use almost the exact same regulations for handling classified material as civilian courts.

A defense attorney who's argued terrorism cases in civilian courts and military tribunals gives an example of how classified material is handled when America's kick-ass military is in charge of trying terrorists:

Dratel agreed, citing a case he argued at Guantanamo Bay in which a judge blurted out that something stated in court "probably" ought to have been classified."

Commander-in-chief Graham only has our safety in mind.

And on the domestic front, Commander-in-chief Graham seeks to finally make some gains in the tough immigration reform debate.

On Tuesday, Obama summoned a bipartisan group of Senators to the White House to revive discussions on climate change legislation. He is meeting today with Sens. Charles Schumer (D-N.Y.) and Lindsey Graham (R-S.C.) to discuss their efforts to advance immigration reform legislation, and throughout this week, administration officials have been working with House Democrats to make sure they are comfortable with emerging trade policies.

But when it comes to immigration reform, Commander-in-chief Graham is demanding Democrats hurry up and move on the issue that bitterly divided a Republican White House and congress a couple years ago.

Is there any issue Graham isn't weighing in on? No, of course not! He is even applying his legendary political acumen to the 2010 midterm elections! Graham may be a Republican, but he is a fair and honest man who was elected by all the American people to serve all the American people. That is why he is offering his totally straightforward and selfless advice to the Democratic party: if they want to succeed at the polls this November, they need to calm down and stop trying to "fight" for "things they believe in."

While dumb junior legislators and dumb Harry Reid may be tempted to finally get aggressive in combating Republican obstructionism, so that they can actually finally pass some fucking bills, Graham knows that cautious inaction is the wisest policy.

Republicans argued that while the demand for a more aggressive approach is understandable, it is ultimately unwise.

Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-S.C.) noted that while the 2006 and 2008 elections turned in large part on Democrats' successful exploitation of anti-Bush and anti-Iraq War sentiments, the political dynamics have changed. And as a result, a partisan, hard-charging approach like the one lawmakers used in those years to get elected will backfire.

"A lot of these guys came in campaigning against Iraq, campaigning against Bush," Graham said. He added that an overreliance on those tactics results in "you becoming tone deaf. So I think anybody who thinks the Democrats will do better by fighting harder and being harder-headed probably needs their hearing checked."

America is blessed to have such a benevolent leader in Washington.