Important national security news: anthropomorphic representation of post-collapse America's spiritual bankruptcy Spencer Pratt is going to start a "cybersecurity venture," can confirm.

A guy who runs a "firearms training firm" in Los Angeles says the famous humanoid talking-trash-fire is "putting his prestige and millions" behind a cybersecurity firm of some kind that will totally be a real and important thing.

Here are some words from the year 2010:

"Upon learning of President Obama's declaration that the 'cyber threat is one of the most serious economic and national security challenges we face as a nation,' I have decided to refocus my energy and devote my full resources to helping America face this and other unprecedented challenges," Pratt told People.

"My new mission is this: To do my part in maintaining the technological superiority of the U.S. military and prevent emerging technologies from threatening our nation's security."

Pratt's wife, Heidi Montag, announced last week that Pratt would no longer be her manager, though they remain married. She is now being managed by a psychic.

This article will now be placed in a time capsule and blasted into space for the aliens to find so they can come and put us out of our misery.