Yesterday, Republican Arizona Senate candidate J.D. Hayworth said that allowing gay marriage would mean that "I guess you could marry your horse." Tonight he was on Maddow and acted like a man who would say this.
The first part of the interview was mainly Maddow slamming Hayworth for taking Abramoff's dirty money back in 1999 when he was a U.S. Representative. Who cares. Then we got to the part about humans marrying horses. On Sunday, you may have heard that Hayworth—who is challenging (and will probably lose to) John McCain—said on a Florida talk radio show, according to Politico:
"You see, the Massachusetts Supreme Court, when it started this move toward same-sex marriage, actually defined marriage - now get this - it defined marriage as simply, 'the establishment of intimacy.'"
"Now how dangerous is that? I mean, I don't mean to be absurd about it, but I guess I can make the point of absurdity with an absurd point. I guess that would mean if you really had affection for your horse, I guess you could marry your horse."
The debate on Maddow—which mainly centered on whether or not the Supreme Court used the exact words 'the establishment of intimacy'—was unsatisfying. Rachel Maddow and J.D. Hayworth disagreed, and J.D. Hayworth talked like a 1980s radio DJ and seemed so dumb that it must have been a strategy, somehow. But we need to have a serious national discussion about this horse-marrying business. Imagine a horse in a wedding gown!
According to Politico, Hayworth said that the "'only way' to prevent men from marrying horses is to create a federal marriage amendment." OK, Hayworth is positioning himself as America's first anti-centaur candidate. But men marrying horses is only a small part of the problem. Under Massachusetts law, what's to keep a guy from choosing a pig as his best man? Or a murder of crows as his caterer? Or hiring a chunk of quartz to design his wedding website... or even setting up his gift registry at Skymall? We can only hope that Hayworth will address all of these serious questions as he continues his serious Senate candidacy.