If Only Fake Issues Could Solve Our Real ProblemsS

The Way We Live Now: As nothing more than a set-up for a cheap joke. Hipsters...on food stamps! Bad airline food...that costs money! America...a crumbling empire! Well. The last one was an expensive joke.

Look at this crazy trend, recently discovered: poor people who are both young and white and who may have attended college are also using food stamps to buy food, because they lack money to do so! If that is not the setup for a jape about hipsters having trust funds and an affinity for slumming, I don't know what is. Meanwhile, do not read this.

And another thing to harangue people about aimlessly! Continental Airlines is going to start charging for food on its flights, just like all the other god damn airlines that do the same thing. Why, it is almost as if the airline industry were in terrible financial straits thanks to many complicated factors, and we could take our numerous frustrations out on this one sadly representative sub-issue, rather than addressing more substantive concerns about foreign oil dependency and how we just sit on the couch drinking Slushees all day. It is almost like that.

And from there it would be fantastic to turn on a dime and burst out with something like, "If it wasn't for 99-cent pizza then none of us could afford to eat! Except the hipsters on food stamps and the airline executives!" That would be the greatest.

But until the "perfect storm" of Random Articles We Read on the Internet happens like that, we're just sitting in our crumbling indebted nation or running from the Karachi water mafia. What else is there to do?

[Pic via]