Karl Lagerfeld Prefers Hookers to Heartfelt Sex

Sunglasses are "my burka" and porn is how the poor may approximate his escort-laden life. Chanel's dramatic creative director gave a ridiculously long interview to Vice in which he dismissed Anna Wintour and supported wearing fur. A Cliff's Notes guide.

Vice's sprawling Q&A that is as much about interviewer (slash writer slash photographer slash gay porn star) Bruce LaBruce as about its ostensible subject. Here's Karl's take on sex and love:

Karl: I personally only like high-class escorts. I don't like sleeping with people I really love. I don't want to sleep with them because sex cannot last, but affection can last forever. I think this is healthy. And for the way the rich live, this is possible. But the other world, I think they need porn. I also think it's much more difficult to perform in porn than to fake some emotion on the face as an actor. [...] I admire porn actors.

The "other world" designation is not a fluke; Karl brings up wealth constantly. In a section about fur, Lagerfeld chides anti-fur activists for not thinking of the poor (fur trappers) and then argues fur rejection is a luxury: "Are you rich enough to make an income for the people in the north who live from hunting?" The rich are, after all, the ones who look good in fur: "If you cannot afford it, just forget about it. Don't use it as an investment piece to show people how rich you are. Use it like a cheap knitted thing." LaBruce agrees with Lagerfeld on fur as well as on the value of sunglasses. Or, as they shall henceforth be known, eye burkas.

Bruce: I like that you make it clear that you don't want to be photographed or filmed without your sunglasses on. I don't either. Who would?
Karl: They're my burka.

Bruce: Exactly. A burka for the eyes.
Karl: A burka for a man. I'm a little shortsighted, and people, when they're shortsighted, they remove their glasses and then they look like cute little dogs who want to be adopted.

If "eye burkas" doesn't catch on, we could also try "eye bras."

Bruce: I hate it when photographers are like, "Can we have one with your glasses off?" Why? You can see me just fine.
Karl: I had an interview once with some German journalist-some horrible, ugly woman. It was in the early days after the communists-maybe a week after-and she wore a yellow sweater that was kind of see-through. She had huge tits and a huge black bra, and she said to me, "It's impolite; remove your glasses." I said, "Do I ask you to remove your bra?"

And finally, how Anna Wintour is a prude, but she loves him anyway, for he is Kaiser Karl, and even Nuclear Wintour must bow down:

Bruce: You got in trouble when you used a porn star in one of your shows in the early 90s.
Karl: But who cared?

Bruce: Anna Wintour cared.
Karl: Yeah, but I'm still on the best terms with her.

[Vice]