Lazy Running or Hard Running Will Kill You

When you go to work out should you be all focused and intense and hardcore, or should you just be flipping through some magazine on the elliptical, while sexting? Well, look at it this way: Do you want to die?

  • Here is the latest NYT-certified trend in the perspirational world of fitness: people are at the gym but they are totally not paying attention to their workout. Rather they are reading the paper or reading a magazine or playing on the cell phone or doing the iPod or, I don't know, Boggle. Apparently gym-goers prefer to "figure out what works for them," these days. I'll tell you what works for you: put down the Parcheesi board and GET HARDCORE. We don't want to hear one more word of discussion about this topic.
  • And another thing about this topic: how do you expect to be flipping through a magazine while you're training for your marathon? We know you're training for a marathon because, look, everybody is training for a marathon, or at least a run around Brooklyn. But oh, hope you have fun getting zooted on your "runner's high," because it turns out running marathons causes heart damage which can totally kill you. And reading a magazine won't save you from that, probably. We don't want to even discuss this any more.
  • Or at least read something worthwhile. Nothing more needs to be said.
    Lazy Running or Hard Running Will Kill You

Yea, try doing squats while running a marathon. Not gonna happen. End of discussion.
[Pic via]