You're probably tired of eating grilled raccoon and braised boot every night for dinner. Why not change your luck by winning the lottery and becoming a millionaire? Just follow this guy's instructions. Trust him, he has a mustache.

THE LOTTERY GURU! from Everything Is Terrible! on Vimeo.


His hints are really useful. "Why didn't I think of that!" kinda useful.

· Buy a lottery ticket.

That's exactly why you are still living in a tattered trash can for a house. You were using bottles of mustard to win the lottery instead of lottery tickets! Good thing we have that cleared up.

· 60% of the time, the numbers published in the newspaper are wrong.

That means that 40% of the time, they're right. And what exactly are they wrong about? They posted the wrong numbers? Do newspapers give lotto tips? Are newspapers malicious entities trying to make us poor? Does this mean we should no longer follow their bridge tips?

· Tape your tickets to the refrigerator

Tape your ticket to all four sides, you hear? So apparently you have to move your refrigerator, and tape it to the back? Yes, that is what you should do. Just listen, this guy is a millionaire, OK?

· When you don't win, fire a gun at something.

This is obvious.

And then he does some math, so I stopped paying attention. So what are you going to do with your piles of money? I, for one, am going to buy a suit made of gold.