Project Runway is all about vision and delusion. The vision of arranged design marriages. The delusion they always end in divorce. The vision of New York City. The delusion it's always beautiful. Plus, a special announcement!
Last night we faced another team challenge where the eight remaining designers had to pair up and create two outfits—one for day and one for evening—based on different New York neighborhoods. Anthony and Maya had Chinatown, Emilio and Seth Aaron had Harlem, Amy and Jonathan had the Upper East Side, and Jay and Mila had the East Village. What, no love for the West side? This challenge was also tied into the show's deal with L'Oreal Paris which is one of the:
Things We Hated:
- Kissing to Makeup: I don't know why, but I can't stand Collier Strong, the lead stylist from L'Oreal. It has nothing to do with who he is as a person or what he does on the show, but for some reason, every season he shows up to shill for the company and give the models specific looks and every season I just want to punch him in the face. I think I just resent the fact that he is someone ruining the integrity of the competition but taking up precious airtime with something we care so little about. Also, the makeup he was trying to sell us last night was their "Professional Line." What, does it make people look like hookers?
- Team Leaders: When the selection of team leaders in these kinds of challenges is chosen at random (like last night when the names were drawn from a bag) there should be no "team leader." It is an arbitrarily assigned designation and by no means should one designer listen to the other. No one should be in charge, which means that the leader is more in danger of going home when both individuals can have an equal role in tanking a design. They should instead force the designers to collaborate. As we all know there is nothing harder than having to work and compromise with someone you can't stand and whose vision you don't share. That will make some new fresh drama, if everyone is on equal footing, because it will eliminate the "I was just doing what I was told" excuse.
- All the Fireworks: Why do the designers feel like they need to work all their tricks into every outfit every week. More people get in trouble by being overly ambitious, not having enough time to finish, and making a sloppy garment than coming up with something simple, chic, and well-made. We're looking at you, Jonathan and Amy. Know when it's time to step away from the easel.
- Have a Look Around You: It's amazing that the only team of people who went to their designated neighborhood bothered to take the clothes that the people on the street were actually wearing. Props to Emilio and Seth Aaron for designing something for the people in their hood as well as inspired by it. Some of the other teams might have done a bit better if they followed their lead.
- Judging the Judges: When I heard that Queen Tangerine Michael Kors was not in attendance at last night's judging, for a second I had a horrible flashback to last season when there was never a full panel and we got stuck with all sorts of horrible substitutes left and right. Last night, Francisco Costa, who is much too pale and meek to every replace Ms. Kors. Also Molly Sims, a computer programmer who invented a game where you control fake avatars in a digital universe, was the guest judge. She barely said two words and both of them made us wince.
- Mila, You You Bitch!: Mila, there is a thing in this universe called color. The shelves at Mood are absolutely littered with it. Why don't you give it a fucking shot once, for Christ's sake. Even though Nina Garcia Fashion Director of Marie Claire Magazine gets all wet in her knickers every time she sees you and has decided you have already won the competition doesn't mean you can't experiment. Boy, was NGFDMCM all over your boring outfit that looked like a reject from Party Girl. There is nothing more boring than predictability, right NGFDMCM?
- "Thank You for the Opportunity": Why do all the designers say this when they get kicked off? They're all going to go back to toiling in obscurity working for some second tier fashion fashion house. Just once I wish someone would be all "Fuck you, Heidi!" and curse and scream and kick their foot through the Project Runway screen. Just once. Please!
Things We Loved:
- Jay Vs. Mila: This is why the God of Reality Producers created group challenges. It's not that they necessarily hated each other, but even their icy coldness was fun to watch. God bless this perfect little disaster.
- Hot Pants: Yes, Seth Aaron, who is straight, wore hot pink jeans. Know what? I kinda want a pair.
- Tearing down the Wall: Tim is totally over The Great Bluefly.com Accessory Wall of Made in China. Every week he has to tell designers to use it "judiciously" or "strategically" or "bisexually." This week he said, "You know the drill with the Bluefly.com accessory wall." He might as well have said, "Oh, and, you know about this stupid corporate shilling I have to do, right? Ugh. Done."
- Pretty Fly for a White Girl: Even though Seth Aaron and Emilio were designing for Harlem they had two white girl models. It's great that they made it work. Especially Seth Aaron's model, who was rocking some crazy hat and one earring looking like Lauren Hill just came down with a serious case of Albanism. Way to work it, sister.
- Boob Tube: Every female judge who is ever on this show is obsessed with boobs. Where they fall, how they look, the fit around them, the undergarments, boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs. Is this because Heidi is always pregnant and thinking of her tits or is this some lady fashion obsession that I've never heard of before?
- Double Win: This is just kind of sweet. They both had great looks and collaborated well. We're glad the show isn't only rewarding the teams that had drama but also the ones that create something really beautiful and original. Particularly because NGFDMCM probably made this happen because she didn't want Emilio's dress, which she didn't like, to take the top prize unconditionally.
- I Just Want to Bang on the Drum All Day: The second most amazing sound effect after the Law & Order chunk-chunk are the drums that precede the final verdict on Runway. My pulse races every week when Heidi says, "Amy" and then we all hear bum-bum-BUM-bum, bum-bum-BUM-bum, "you are out." It's the perfect punctuation for a tense situation and just enough of a pause for us to scoot up on the couch, fists clenched ready to hear what edict is about to come down from on high. Someone should win an Emmy for this.
- Oh, Ms. Kors: He wasn't even on this episode and still had the best line of the night. In the preview he bleats, "It looks like a disco straight jacket!" Next week can't come soon enough.
In the end, as already state, Emilo and Seth Aaron won for their gorgeous black gown and crazy denim doodad with a hat that looked just like the one the Purple Pieman wore but it wasn't purple it was plaid. Amy was sent home for her weird orange think that looked like a melted creamsicle still in the wrapper.
For more about the Jay and Mila battle and Amy and Jonathan's colossal waste of time, check out the videos.
But first, we've confirmed that fan favorite contestant Anthony, Suzanne Sugarbaker herself, will be joining the Gawker Project Runway liveblog on April 1 at 9pm. He'll be here to answer questions, watch the show with us, and hopefully give us some behind-the-scenes dirt. Be sure to join us then!
Jay Vs. Mila
Context: Emilio is the second to last team leader to pick his teammate. His remaining choices are Mila, who both he and Jay hate, or Seth Aaron, whose design aesthetic is totally opposite of his. He chooses Seth Aaron so that Mila and Jay are stuck together.
Vision: Combining two toxic ingredients will create a huge explosion.
Delusion: They didn't really explode, but they did sort of fizzle out into a giant messy puddle.
What Would Nina Say?: "Jay, really you are no Mila."
Under the Gunn
Context: When he comes around, even Tim can feel the iciness between Jay and Mila. He's afraid it's going to send them home.
Vision: Unhappy designers are bad designers who get sent home.
Delusion: Jay should have worried a bit more about his work and less about his coworker.
What Would Nina Say?: "Jay, Mila wouldn't let a models boobs flap around like that."
Context: Jonathan and Amy have designed too looks that are so ambitious that they are in danger of not finishing. This is a danger every week, but it feels especially intense today.
Vision: Hard work and diligence will make the outfits stellar.
Delusion: Like Tim tells them, they have to make sure the looks are worth all the ahrd work. They aren't. Sorry, Amy.
What Would Nina Say?: "Amy, if you used more black and white like Mila, I would like you better."
Context: Seth Aaron and Emilio watch their co-winners march down the runway.
Vision: See what the people are wearing and give them something they like.
Delusion: A strategy that never fails.
What Would Nina Say?: "This would have been better if Mila did it."
Context: Jay gets lambasted for his ill-fitting tank top.
Vision: Spending more time on a cool pair of pants will get him a win.
Delusion: Doesn't he know these women are obsessed with boobs?
What Would Nina Say?: See for yourself!