Health food manufacturer and exponentially dimensionalized fulcrum of universal gravity PepsiCo is investing hundreds of millions of dollars in an effort to make America healthier, with things like "designer" salt crystals for Lay's potato chips. What else could they do?

Because of inherent concern about the health of you, the consumer, PepsiCo spent more than $400 million in product development costs last year, all with an eye towards developing products that will kill Americans more slowly. "What we want to do with our 'fun for you' products is to make them the healthiest 'fun for you' products," said PepsiCo chairman Indra Nooyi, emphasizing PepsiCo's dual commitment to health and to providing a nonstop party in your mouth.

The latest corporate success: "working with scientists at about a dozen academic institutions and companies in Europe and the U.S," PepsiCo successfully altered the molecular structure of salt crystals into a shape that dissolves more efficiently on the tongue of you, the salt-licking Lay's potato chip fiend. In this way PepsiCo is forcing you to eat less salt, live longer, and be around for many more years of enjoying family and Lay's potato chips.

Eating fewer potato chips is not considered a realistic option.