Gerard Butler Is Our Greatest Natural ResourceS

It's true, he's wonderful. Plus: Everybody wants to go ask Alice, a kiddie flick surprises, an Iraq movie does not, and we talk a little bit about monkeys.

1) Alice in Wonderland — $34.5M
You know what the funny thing about this movie is? For all the money it's making ($265M so far) nobody's talking about it. It's just sorta there, dimly diverting audiences until the long movie-crush of summer, or at least until Clash of the Titans comes and releases a Kraken in the multiplexes and everyone scratches their heads for a third time and says, "Wait, who is Sam Worthington again?" Because nowadays he's in all the movies. People are talking more about Sam Worthington than they are about Alice in Wonderland, it seems. At least the people I know. OK. I am talking more about Sam Worthington than Alice in Wonderland. Who's with me?

2) Diary of a Wimpy Kid — $21.8M
"Not so wimpy!" "From wimp to... chimp!" Very strong movie star chimp. Dunston. "From Wimp to Dunston." There's your new tagline, movie. I just made it up for you. And it makes complete sense. Oh wait. But Dunston Checks In was about an orangutan. So I guess Ed will have to do. No, not the show with the annoying guy and Jack's ex-wife. The movie with Matt LeBlanc about the baseball-playing chimp. That's what his agent told him to do. "Matt, you're a huge, huge star! Everybody loves the Friends. Who doesn't love the Friends? And you know what else everyone loves? Monkeys. You gotta do this picture!" So he did. And we all know how that ended up. You know who was in Dunston Checks In? Faye Dunaway. Sad, right? To this day she thinks she was making a sequel to Hogan's Goat. (Clearly I have absolutely nothing to actually say about Diary of a Wimpy Kid, except: Good for you, Rachel Harris!)

3) The Bounty Hunter — $21M
Gerard Butler. Is he the modern-day Charlie Chaplin or the modern-day Spencer Tracy? Because he is clearly a comedic genius and a world treasure, and an animate leg of mutton. And that Jennifer Aniston. Talk about star quality! Just different in every role. Never the same emotionally remote, vaguely unfriendly character in every movie. That never happens. So those two dynamos together? Well, it's no wonder why The Bounty Hunter could yet still squeak past Diary of a Wimpy Kid to be the number two movie of a mid-March weekend. The stuff of showbiz legend!

4) Repo Men — $6.1M
This is a movie about people who get organ transplants and then can't pay for them so balding Jude Law and cockle-eyed Forest Whitaker come and kill you and get the organs back. This is quite timely, as it is what is going to happen now that we've approved of Kenyaid, the new African Muslim health system that's huge in Indonesia. Get ready to run from the g-men when you can't pay for that sheep's heart you've got beating in your chest, Gerard Butler.

5) She's Out of My League — $6M / 6) Green Zone — $5.9M
More people wanted to see a movie with "I'm a hot girl and I'm not wearing underwear" jokes than wanted to see a well-reviewed action picture about current quagmires. This should surprise none, but vaguely disappoint all. Also, after this failure and The Informant! (which I watched this weekend and really liked), can this Matt Damon be saved?

[Unpleasant image via Getty]