NYU Announces Plans to Annex Rest of New York

New York University, a fantastically expensive diploma mill for the children of the leisure class, is going to buy the rest of Greenwich Village, put up some towers, and then expand into downtown Brooklyn and Governors Island.

NYU would like to put students, faculty, or classrooms on basically every square inch of space in New York that is not a Duane Reade or on the US National Register of Historic places. (And if the Governors Island thing is any indication, they don't even necessarily mind if it's on the Register.)

"Community groups" of people dumb enough to still live within a stone's throw of the entitled pajama monsters who wander the streets in packs of a dozen or more nine months out of the year are not happy with these plans to buy everything and build stuff.

University President John Sexton understands their concerns!

"It's clear that NYU had a history of moving forward without listening," he said, speaking of actions he himself took in the passive voice and the third person in a telephone interview with the New York Times from Qatar, near NYU's new campus in Abu Dhabi.

Qatar is an oil money-sponsored absolute monarchy and human trafficking hub. Abu Dhabi is perhaps the richest city in the world, again thanks to oil and forced labor—though they're diversifying into financial services, which is always a good thing.

The Brooklyn expansion will house the engineering school, and the Governors Island complex is where they will train an actual army of armed trust fund insurrectionists to storm the city and take it by force.