A full 34% of you people picked "Fauxhemian" in our five-way poll yesterday, totally pissing coke-tainted piss on the runner-up slur, "Doucheoisie," which scored 23%. At long last, our halfhearted search for a slur to replace the tired "hipster" has come to a fruitful conclusion. Thanks to you, the blackhearted Gawker commentariat. Everyone give yourself an irony-infested pat on the back.
How are we to use this new slur? A few examples:
On the subway: "Stop stepping on my shoes, you fey Fauxhemian bitch."
At the nightclub: "Dude, the whole place is full of Fauxhemians. I mean the girls are hot, but whatever."
Self-referentially: "No way. You're a Fauxhemian, Fauxhemian."
In the New York Times: "A new term has been coined: 'Fauxhemian.' The year is 2013, and this is the New York Times Style section."
In any situation: "Whatever, Fauxhemian."
Today is a great day.