The Week That Was a Big Fucking Deal

Let's take a look back at the Gawker week that was, from health care to Sandra Bullock to drugs.

HOLYSHIT HEALTH CARE. Now everyone is doomed. But at least we have true American heroes to keep the discourse civil and non-violent. Also! Did you know that the government isn't just daring to make sure you don't go broke for having pneumonia? They are also spying on your internet.

Though much of America is changed and ruined forever, at least Joe Biden is still keepin' on keepin' on.

Meanwhile, Google guy Steve Schmidt got lost. Speaking of computers, all of our financial regulation people are jerkin' it like the plane's going down. Perhaps to naked pictures of Peaches Geldof?

We have a new word for hipsters! It is 'Fauxhemians', which is hard to spell but fun to say. You know what fauxhemians really like? '80s nostalgia. Also, cocaine.

Poor Sandra Bullock is in such bad shape that she needs our advice. How did her life get to this terrible place? We'll tell you how. Sandy wasn't the only woman suffering from self-esteem issues this week. Noted newswoman Christiane Amanpour was forced to realize that she has ugly hair and is too Persian to be on the TV.

If America wanted to unfriend Michelle Bachman, what category of Facebook person would she fall under? Probably the Crazy category, just like these beautiful patriots. And this guy. And this guy.

What did we turn to for solace during this terrible insurance-ravaged week? The teleivsion. To socialites and housewives and girls who go gossiping. Plus there was beautiful music and a guide to the American art of making it.

But mostly this week there was poop. So much poop.

[Top image via Getty]