Amy Winehouse Wants to Have a Baby

God help us. Tiger Woods wants to be alone with his cartoon porn. Miley Cyrus wants Kurt Cobain to be her boyfriend. Kim Kardashian wants everyone to look at her cleavage. Sunday gossip can't always get what it wants.

  • Amy Winehouse is ready to procreate. "She's become so broody," says her father Mitch. "She's been talking about having a baby and is now at the age where she wants to have a baby." Is this why she's on-again with newly non-incarcerated Blake Incarcerated? Because that man should not be allowed within a 100-foot radius of anyone under the age of eighteen. The uterine discourse is a rare departure for Mitch, who usually sticks to contemplating Amy's leaky fake boobs. [ContactMusic]

  • A newly single Kim Kardashian won't stop tweeting pictures of cleavage. Someone ask this lady on a date, already. [HuffPo]

  • In the meantime, Kim will put her energy into trying to set her little sister up with Justin Bieber. Kendall Jenner is a model and, in an episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians that father Bruce Jenner probably still has nightmares about, used Kim's stripper pole with startling aplomb. [NYDN]

  • Tiger Woods liked cartoon porn. (Hentai?) He kept it on his iPhone. [TMZ]

  • Miley Cyrus was too busy getting extra hair glued to her head to fly back to L.A., so she delayed her private flight and made a nest out of the disembodied hair of strangers in New York's Gemini 14 Salon, and roosted there for an extra four hours. [P6]

  • Speaking of Miley, she would like you to know she is no longer a tweeny-bopper, but a rebellious teen. "Bieber fever... I'm not necessarily a fan. I don't listen to that kind of music... I like Kurt Cobain a lot. He is like my dream boyfriend." Somewhere, Courtney Love is sharpening her talons. Another surrogate Frances Bean to corrupt. Mine, all mine. [Us]

  • Katherine Heigl doesn't want to be an ungrateful diva. "The ungrateful thing bothers me the most. Ad that is my fault.... I am disappointed in myself for allowing that perception to exist. There's nothing more gross than the idea of somebody in my position being ungrateful." Yup, that about sums it up. [Celebitchy]

  • Jerry Springer on his show: "I don't think my show serves anybody... it's fun, but it's stupid." His self-awareness willingness to stoop to conquer is what makes Jerry Springer an American hero. [TMZ]

  • Dan Aykroyd left a $1900 tip on a $4200 bill, which is 45 percent. Rich people tipping big cannot fathom the degree to which their pocket change excites the rest of us. Also: This means he paid $6100. I get the $6000—but what drove him to add that extra $100? The extra $100 is what makes him a truly generous man. Or one who miscalculated his tip. Whichevs. [P6]

  • New Jersey's State Superior Court has rejected the requests of three guido brawlers to block the episodes of Jersey Shore in which they get in fights with the cast. Lesson learned: You beat the crap out of a trashy reality star, you become a trashy reality star. [NYDN]

  • The Mirror has an exclusive about Peaches Geldof and Big Ben! Heroin... knifepoint... Drew University police... wait, this all from our field guide. Maybe "exclusive" means something else in England? [Mirror]