Awful Clubs and Soulless Condos, Together at Last

Are you one of those "young people whose true religion is music?" Marketing consultants have determined the proper place for you to live: in a gleaming, Miami Beach-style condo on West 30th street. Where music lives!

The New York Times reports that "Ohm," one of the many indistinguishable new neon-bathed condo towers that infest the once-desolate edges of Manhattan like the tortured souls of tranny hookers past, has discovered how to draw in the high-paid young creative types it desperately needs to unload its soulless apartments on: with music! They hired some singer from East Williamsburg to play in the lobby. Instant club night! Whee.

"This is not for people in their 50s, people with kids," [a marketing consultant for the "boutique hotel" style condo] said. "It's for young people whose true religion is music." ...

"You're not going to have elderly people, people with six kids living in the building," [a 29 year-old building resident who moved to Ohm because it was cooler than Midtown] said. "You're going to have other young professionals looking to have a cool environment to live in."

Now if marketing consultants can just figure out how to, say, bulldoze the Apollo Theater and build a condo tower on top of it complete with free weekend Justin Bieber concerts, edgy artistic New York will be fully revived.