Homeless and Done, Nowhere to Run

The Way We Live Now: Staunchly homeless. Some of us try to deny it; some of us try to hide it; but all of us are homeless, or nearly homeless, or one state budget cut from becoming homeless. It's trendy.

You might think that Key West would be a great place to be homeless. Sun, sand, Margaritaville, uh, half-empty discarded beer cans in abundance. But look, police are cracking down on all the homeless people who had that exact same thought, and now Key West is just another crappy place to get arrested. Except worse, because you're the last in line to get out if a hurricane comes.

So, fine then. Fuck Key West! Why not be homeless in Times Square? Bright lights, big city, lots of tourists to panhandle, and easy wax museum access. But there is only one lone homeless dude left living in Times Square now, after the city ran off the rest of the homeless people to sausage factories shelters.

And you people in houses? Don't go getting all uppity. We know that you're using your kitchen as a closet. We know that the state you live in is so broke it's ready to tax every last dime from your laughable "home equity." We know that your only income came from a Ponzi scheme, and that's all over now.

Yep. Not too long till we're all milling about on the streets. And we know exactly where to go: Afghanistan. At least we won't get hassled there.

[Pic via]