On this very special "from scratch" episode of Little Miss Perfect, both pageant moms relied on their own craftiness to handle the gaudy Frankensteins they were trying to turn their children into.

First, 10-year-old Aliyah's mom and grandma took to embellishing her "Wow Wear" (It's pretty wow alright) MacGyver style: with dental floss and plastic rhinestones.


Did you catch what Aliyah's grandma said toward the end? "I call this Gaudy Wear not Wow Wear." THANK YOU, GRAMS. Someone who actually appeared on the show finally said what everyone above the Mason Dixon line (and hopefully most below) thinks when we watch Little Miss Perfect. SHIT IS TACKY.

Meanwhile, Dawn tries to get Kayla through her first pageant without professional primping. Everything is homemade; the hair, the makeup, even the dress. The little 9-year-old diva in training, who has clearly been through her fair share of professional glitzy pageants, can't deal with her mom's amateur spray tanning skills. I mean, God! Doesn't everyone know how it's done? You spray and THEN you roll.


Boy, is hotel housekeeping going to be pissed off when they see that tub in the morning or what?