Attention, Justin Bieber's mom. We just spotted your son at Perez Hilton's birthday party. You're super Christian, right? Did you know the party was sponsored by Lifestyle condoms? Do you even know who Perez Hilton is? We have bad news.
Perez Hilton claims he's best buds with 16 year-old Justin Bieber. And in a YouTube video of his 32nd birthday party on March 27th, we spotted your adorable fresh-faced son on the red carpet, and even though it's almost 3 in the morning we almost called you right then. You see, Justin Bieber's mom, we know you are a very Christian Canadian woman. You pray a lot about your son. When music producer Scooter Brown approached you about managin his music career you prayed to God: ""I prayed, ‘God, you don't want this Jewish kid to be Justin's man, do you?' "(Yes, you actually said that. God bless you.)
To put it bluntly: What would God say about your son chilling with Perez at his birthday party? Before you answer! The party was called "Carn-evil." Sounds a bit like the devil's work. It was sponsored by: Lifestyle condoms, Alize (AN ALCOHOL) and Cafe Bustelo (COFFEE). Three vices we pray your still-growing son has not succumbed to. (Did you check Justin's breath when he got home? Please say yes!) Perez Hilton, on the other hand, loves these things: "Condoms, booze, and then a pick me up. That's a great party!"
We did some Googling, and this Perez Hilton character did not look good to us. And that was just the image search. Apparently he's... well... Perez Hilton is... a homosexual. He is also famous for drawing male genitalia and simulated ejaculate on people's faces. He once got into a fight with rapper will.i.a.m.'s entourage for calling him a "faggot."
What's worse? He's a blogger. Trust us when we say that nothing good can come of your little Shining Light hanging around blogger-types. (We hear they are all addicted to Adderall and Internet pornography.)
But maybe we're just being a little paranoid. We're sure you've raised Justin up to be a good, God-fearing Canadian, and no homosexual blogger could ever tempt him with unlimited alcohol and the promise of 1,000 nights of consequence-free passion. Forget we ever said anything. Hope he had a good time at the party! The speedo-clad gogo dancers looked like a real treat. (The Biebs is around 1:32.)