The first iPad reviews are in, and techies love it. NYT's David Carr has been tweeting lustily from his iPad all night—dirty, "sexy," in-the-bedroom, on-the-toilet, "far less monogamous" tweets. Watch him slide his finger down this touchscreen, baby.

It all started when our romantic hero noticed how "sexy" iPad's "expansive scroll" was.

Furtively, he stole away to the bathroom to see what iPad could do for him there.

It was glorious. It felt so right. She was so responsive to his touch! Heart racing, he rushed to the bedroom, threw back the covers, and leapt into bed.

When they were together, time froze. Moments had neither beginning nor end; where did his fingertips end, where did her screen begin? The technologic commingled with the erotic; mobile device commingled with man. Lying in bed with iPad, he jolted suddenly—for on the other side of the bed was his wife.

Would iPad come between them, and "break" him from his wife? Or would it bring the couple closer together? Nonchalantly, iPad slid over to Mrs. Carr's side of the bed. (Which had magically transformed into a table. Techerotica is hard, OK?)

Yes, iPad would be part of their marriage. It would "go across" the divide of monogamy, it would "drill down," it would delight the senses with "friction," invite curious "investigation."

iPad's future, you see, would be defined by the posture of its user.

Lean back, baby. Relax. Got an app for smoking a cigarette? Whew.