How Small Town High School Drama Could Destroy Sarah Palin

Willow Palin and her high school buddies trashed a vacant house in Alaska. Now it appears residents of the Mat-Su Valley are pissed that Sarah Palin got Willow off the hook. Watch out, Sarah. The small town scene is brutal.

Here is how Sarah Palin will be destroyed by petty small town drama. Her daughter Willow (Not the Levi Johnston one) runs with the wrong crowd at Colony High School in Palmer, Alaska. One source told the National Inquirer:

Willow has been running with the wrong crowd... They are a popular high school clique known as the Colony Girls, who are well known as hard partiers and are regularly involved in underage drinking and smoking dope.

Every kid in the Mat-su Valley simultaneously hates and envies the Colony Girls: They are envious of their social success and resentful that this success allows them to get away with things they can't. They transcend bad kid/good kid dynamic that so defines their own experience. It's not fair!

It is December, 2009. Willow Palin and her Colony Girls throw a super sweet party at a house they know is for sale. Willow, apparently, is the one who leads them to the house. The rager is so epic it caused "between twenty to thirty thousand dollars in damage," according to the Immoral Minority.

The lock had been forced, five wooden doors had been so badly damaged they needed to be replaced, the walls and floors had been gouged with knives, and vodka and orange juice containers were strewn all over the house. It also appeared that sexual activity had taken place on some of the beds, and a computer, some winter gear, and clothing had all been stolen.

Everyone hears about the party. The on January 13th, according to The Immoral Minority, the homeowner discovers their trashed house and the cops are called. The National Enquirer picks up the story. The Colony Girls are in trouble! Resentment overtakes envy: Finally, the Colony Girls will get their due.

But just like that, the heat is off the Colony Girls. According to The Immoral Minority, a "secret weekend meeting" took place between State Troopers and the Palins. After the meeting, the probation officer decides to charge only the boys engaged in the crime. "The girls would only be identified as 'witnesses' and face no criminal penalties."

Now all Mat-Su Valley rages. The Immoral Minority writes, "sources have told me that a number of the parents are very unhappy that their children will face charges and that Willow and the other girls will not." Having grown up in a small town ourselves, we know for a fact that this kind of thing makes people vicious to an extent that would give Mexican drug cartels pause. Years of the Colony Girls getting off the hook have culminated in this ultimate injustice, now it's all-out provincial war. And, given the target, it will be waged on a national level. Sarah Palin better start paying for some Mat-Su Valley high school gym floors to be refinished or something.