Madonna Wishes Her Daughter Didn't Dress Like Such a TartS

Lourdes wishes her mom didn't date men young enough to be her brother. A woman named Skittles Valentine tells all about her Jesse James orgy. Khloe Kardashian goes Girls Gone Wild. Thursday's gossip roundup is overexposed.

  • Madonna wishes daughter Lourdes would "dress more conservatiely." A generation of mothers mad at their daughters for trying to wear lingerie as outerwear is really smug right now. [NYDN, image via Getty]

  • A lady named Skittles Valentine says she had four-way sex with Jesse James, Michelle 'Bombshell' McGee, and Skittles' tattoo-artist friend Eric McDougall. "Eric and I were haing sex, so we switched off, and Jesse and I had sex," said Skittles. "Jesse and Michelle both wanted Skittles," said Eric. Nobody used condoms on account of there being none at the tattoo parlor. But, Eric mused, "Maybe I used a latex glove, I don't know. Sometimes as a last-case scenario I tie a latex glove finger off." (1.) How often does this come up? (2.) Finger? Is that really a comparison you want to invite? (3.) Whereas Michelle Bombshell is a terrible stripper name, Skittles Valentine is a great one. All strippers should name themselves after the My Little Ponies they played with as toddlers. [HuffPo]

  • Perennially demure Khloe Kardashian went Girls Gone Wild on the paparazzi yesterday in Miami Beach. Unfortunately she was standing behind this weird railing that blocked the shot, so it's not a good enough picture to land a tabloid feature, but maybe a sidebar in a story about one of her sisters. Poor Khloe. Even nudity isn't enough to steal the spotlight from bikini-clad Kim. [Us, image via X17 Agency]
  • Madonna Wishes Her Daughter Didn't Dress Like Such a TartS
  • Activity in the Bullock manor: Sandra Bullock's agent came to her home to deliver scripts (bo-ring) then Sandra left the domicile to visit a guy who manages her money (bo-ring) while wearing a hat that covered her face. C'mon Sandy, give us something we can work with. [TMZ, TMZ, Radar]

  • Remember when Tiger Woods supposedly paid Rachel Uchitel $2 million in hush money? Turns out it was $10 million, according to a rumor I am inclined to believe, because Tiger is the type to overcompensate. Or, Uchitel knows where the bodies are buried, because "several mistresses got several hundred thousand dollars, and others got nothing." Rachel's compensation was so big because it's full of secrets. [TMZ]

  • Speaking of lechers: Donald Trump is on Team Tiger Woods and Team Jesse James. Of course he is. [NYMag]

  • Real Housewife of Atlanta Kim Zolciak continues to steal pages from the LiLo playbook by saying her lesbian fling with DJ Tracy Young was a "one-time deal." Just like a sorority girl. [NYDN]

  • The "ugly truth" about Angelina comes out: "In my opinion, the real Angelina is self-centered and a control freak. She has no patience at all. She doesn't do things out of the kindness of her heart." I hate it when the backstabbers fail to note specifics. We need anecdotes, dammit. [InTouch]

  • Lindsay Lohan and Leonardo DiCaprio "were talking for ages" at LA club Trousdale. "Heaven only knows what [the conversation] was about, I mean what kind of deep conversation do you have with Lindsay Lohan?" Ooh, a sassy tipster. [Radar]

  • Cosmo editor Kate White and the "shiny Hearst Tower" will make a cameo in made-for-TV movie Beauty and the Briefcase, in which Hilary Duff plays "a freelance writer who lands her dream assignment with Cosmo." Mostly, I'm impressed the women's magazine dream career persists at all. Then again, if someone's going to hold fast to a fantasy with diminishing returns—romantic, professional, or fiscal—may as well be a rom-com heroine. [P6]