Just Cancel Law & Order Already

Seriously. Its best actor is leaving the show, so just be done with it. Also today: more Captain America news, two directors sign on to two dubious sounding projects, and ABC Family has the saddest TV pilots.

Who the heck cares who's actually playing Captain America. (It's Chris Evans. See? You really don't care!) All we want to know is: Who the eff is playing Bucky Barnes? Bucky Barnes is the most important character name since Jackie Brown, so it's a big deal. And you know who got it? Mysterious glower-puss actor Sebastian Stan, of Gossip Girl and Kings. I was once at one table and he was at another table in a restaurant on St. Mark's so, we're basically best friends. Yay bestie! Movie roles! [Variety]

Today is a sad day to be a boy in blue. The loyal chief S. Epatha Merkerson is leaving Law & Order after sixteen years. Her character, Anita Van Buren, has been going through chemo this year, so she figured it was a proper dramatic arc to end on. So she's leaving to pursue other, less crimey acting work. Good for her! Did you guys see her in Lackawanna Blues? Lady can act. [EW]

You know what's happy? When you hear that an actor you like has gotten cast in a pilot. You know what's sad? When said actor has been cast in a pilot for ABC Family. Mostly because any adult on those shows is going to be a wooden, flat-fronted sketch of a character and how boring must that be to play. Anyway. Gina Torres, yes nerdlingers of Firefly, has been cast in the pilot Huge, about fat camp. Oh, heh, also! Chad Lowe, forgotten ex-husband of Hillary Swank, has been cast in the ABC Family show Pretty Little Liars as one of the pretty little liars' dad. He's replacing Wesley the stuffy British Watcher from Buffy, who in real life is married to Willow, who's on the How I Met Your Mother Several Times Before I Really Actually Met Her Apparently. So Wesley doesn't need to work. Willow's bringing home the bacon. Joss Whedon shows! [THR]

Remember Doug Liman? He directed Swingers and Go and then the first Bourne movie, a series that only found its footing once he was fired. But then he did Mr. & Mrs. Smith which was sexxxy, so good for him. But then he did Jumper which, despite the presence of gay emo Canadian Hayden Christensen, was not sexxxy, so bad for him. (And he's doing Jumper 2! Awful for him!) Well now he's sort of leveling out by directing a new Three Musketeers movie. It's about Britney, Ryan Gosling, and Keri Russell teaming up to fight crime. I'm really excited about all the musical numbers. Hm? What's that? It's not the Three Mouseketeers? Oh. Nuts. It's about French people fighting an evil cardinal (evil thy name is Richelieu). Summit Entertainment is already developing a 3D version of the same damn thing. Because good things come in pairs. Sure you don't want to do the Mouseketeers thing instead, Doug? [Variety]

Oh good. Remember when you read Everything Is Illuminated and you were like "Oh, cool, that was good." And then you heard that the author was coming out with another book and you were like "Oh, cool, hopefully that'll be good," and then you read it and it was Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close and it was the most self-serving, exploitative, awful book you'd read in a long, long time? Well, they're making that into a movie now. Yeah, Stephen Daldry, he of The Hours and Billy Elliot and The Reader, is on board to direct the damn thing. Ugh, and they're probably going to get some raspy-voiced horrorshow of a kid to play the horrorshow of a kid in the book and then oohhhh all the arty bombing of Dresden explosion scenes and the falling out of tall buildings in slow motion! Blerrrgghhh. [THR]