We Hope You'll Make it on Your Own, Kids. But We Doubt it.

The Way We Live Now: Putting our foot down. You know we love you, kids. But you're going to have to get the fuck out, because we can't afford you. You're 35. You'll make it out there. (Not really).

Do you know who this recession is really tough on? The young adult children of formerly well-to-do parents. Their somewhat less well-to-do parents have been laid off or are just making less money and they can no longer support these young adults to the extent they did during the good old days! We're being assholes here. Long story short: In the modern American economy you're fucked if you don't go to college, but college prices have risen to ridiculously high levels, and the upper middle class people who were financing these college prices can no longer afford to, so everyone is fucked.

The good news is that in this situation, it's only a matter of time before college prices come down, or elite colleges become the exclusive province of the superwealthy 1% that controls the world. Probably the latter!

The days of wealth and upward mobility are already a laughable dream for the less delusional among us. Mansions in the Hamptons are being ransacked for copper piping like so many inner city Baltimore row houses. Is that what you dreamed of, when you purchased your Hamptons mansion? We thought not. Without college money, the upper middle class will flounder, while Obamanomics gives every advantage to the poor kids in the fashionable style of socialism.

The worst news: Alan Greenspan is talking about economic "momentum." If that doesn't scare you, I don't know what will.

(Except a four million year-old shark that is back.)