Tiger Woods, Porn Star Both Ready to Move on With Lives

Tiger Woods just held his first "real" press conference since the lady-fucking scandal broke. He is happy to be back and playing golf! But wait, a porn star says he is a "big fat liar." Exciting day in golf news!

One actual newsy thing Tiger said was, "I've never taken any illegal drugs in my life." Remember that one, just in case! He also said he cooperated with his lawyer's advice in not talking to police, that he had a busted lip and a sore neck following his accident, and that everybody has supported him, oh boy. The real takeaway, from the NYT: "None of the assembled reporters asked specifically about the events leading to his accident."

Meanwhile! Porn star Joslyn James held her own press conference just after Tiger's. She called him a "big fat liar," in the sense that she doesn't think he's really a reformed new man, she thinks he probably still wants to fuck porn stars such as Joslyn James. That said, SUPERSTAR ATTORNEY Gloria Allred "said Joslyn will return to her career as an adult film star, as Tiger Woods has returned to his career on the golf course."

And all is well with the world.