From time to time on Gawker we stop to look at what Gwyneth Paltrow is eating. It's a lot! Though, like most people who seek comfort in bad foods, it does not cure her problems. She is still very angry.
Oh, I had to work hard to get it like this, but now I'm here it's so great because I don't have to think about it. I can just enjoy life. What a relief is that. I can eat what I want, as long as I exercise, which is just as well, because if I put the word' diet' into my brain, I immediately gain a stone.
Yes, my cheese-guzzling SUV-humping friends. That American lady just said "stone" in a non-ironic reference to weight. Burn the witch!
Although, maybe we don't need to. She is already destroying herself from the inside out with all-consuming rage:
Oh yes, I can be mean. I can cave in to gossip. I can ice people out and I can definitely harbour* revenge. In fact, I'm having a situation right now with a friend where I'm feeling pretty angry. But revenge is corrosive and it doesn't make me feel good. I'll wake up in the morning and think, 'Ugh, I feel terrible', and suddenly realise, 'Ah, that's why. I'm holding on to so much hate.'
Yowsers! And who is one of the people she might hate? Her fellow in anglophilia, the enchanted performer Madonna. When speaking of her current business partner, who is Ol' Cone Bra's former trainer, Paltrow told the magazine:
Yeah, it's good that she doesn't train Madonna any more. It was too much. She keeps people waiting - it takes up your whole day.
Meeouch! Cat fight on the banks of the Thames! Hair-pulling in Harrods! Knuckle-knocking in Notting Hill! Etc. Gwyneth really should move back to the States, where she won't have to mask her seething hatred behind a prim English exterior. Here we just let it allll hang out. Plus we have this hunk of heaven for her to inhale, carefree.
And that has been today in Gwyneth Paltrow's eating (and raging) habits!
*We like to imagine that she actually speaks with the 'ou'.
[Photo via Getty Images]