Minnesota Congresswoman Michele Bachmann's Stormtrooper Hair Helmet is huge and her jacket is scary yellow and she is screaming condescending dog-whistle garbage to old people. And Sarah Palin is there. And Governor Tim Pawlenty bought their website, for some reason.

That's what's going on out in Minnesota right now, or "the North Star State" and "the Land of 10,000 Lakes" and other things Sarah Palin made sure to say, for no real reason, as she began her nonsense remarks.

Bachmann told an inspiration historical story that had the exact same setup as a hacky old joke (it is about a priest, a rabbi, and a minister on a ship that's been hit by a torpedo...) (no seriously). And Sarah, she is so boring, repeating the exact same jokes and talking points. Bachmann is bold, fresh crazy. But: Palin's hair/head-extender is growing! She should have that looked at.

Just watch this monstrosity here. I need to stop before I lose my mind and stab John Cook.