Ice-T to Aimee Mann: 'Eat a Hot Bowl of Dicks'S

Used to be rappers rode around in bulletproof limos, firing guns at musical competitors, singing about killing cops. Then gangsta rapper Ice-T performed a Twitter "drive-by" on a folksy soft rock singer. Introducing the new rules of celebrity warfare.


Rule #1: Do not get in a Twitter fight with the man who invented the phrase "original gangsta." You may think you hold an advantage in a war of words. You are wrong.

Ice-T to Aimee Mann: 'Eat a Hot Bowl of Dicks'S



Rule #2: Do not get in a Twitter fight with a person whose followers consider themselves an organized army, as Ice-T's Final Level Twitter Gang does. (see also: Tila's Army, Stan Lee's Brigadiers) The army will harass you. The leader's aggressiveness will kind of freak you out.

Ice-T to Aimee Mann: 'Eat a Hot Bowl of Dicks'S

Ice-T to Aimee Mann: 'Eat a Hot Bowl of Dicks'S

Ice-T to Aimee Mann: 'Eat a Hot Bowl of Dicks'S

Ice-T to Aimee Mann: 'Eat a Hot Bowl of Dicks'S



Rule #3: Don't dish it if you can't take it.

Ice-T to Aimee Mann: 'Eat a Hot Bowl of Dicks'S

Ice-T to Aimee Mann: 'Eat a Hot Bowl of Dicks'S



Rule #4: Ice-T will win. He always wins. He will end you and then he will catch your rapist and the music will go dun-dun! and Law will be followed by Order. He will go home to his impossibly curvy glamourpuss wife Coco and run his fingers through piles of gold coins and gloat.

Ice-T to Aimee Mann: 'Eat a Hot Bowl of Dicks'S

Ice-T to Aimee Mann: 'Eat a Hot Bowl of Dicks'S



Rule #5: You will react with a muffled, snot-sopped sob, cover your tear-streaked face with your hands, and run in the other direction.

Ice-T to Aimee Mann: 'Eat a Hot Bowl of Dicks'S

Ice-T to Aimee Mann: 'Eat a Hot Bowl of Dicks'S



Rule #6: Winner gets to tweet a press release.

Ice-T to Aimee Mann: 'Eat a Hot Bowl of Dicks'S