The final season of The Hills, MTV's reality television experiment gone awry, doesn't start until April 27th and we're already sick of hearing about this crew. Once the show wraps, can we wipe it from our collective memory forever?
The strange thing about the bland cast of bimbos on The Hills was that the tabloid press about them was always way more exciting than the show itself. The program was always a bunch of pre-arranged tableaux and producer-massaged "storylines" rather than anything adjacent to reality as the rest of the world understands it. And once the cast got "famous," the show never acknowledged any hint of the their media ubiquity. But the feuds and fights, breakups and hookups that took place during the off-season were far more interesting as they were breathlessly covered by Us Weekly, E!, and countless other trashy celebrity outlets.
Now even their gossip is boring. Just today we learned Audrina Patridge and pop music also-ran Ryan Cabrera are still together, Brody Jenner and pop music has-been Avril Lavigne got matching tattoos, and Heidi Montag continues to show off the plasticine creation she calls a body. These are almost so boring that we can't summon up the energy to mock them.
And it's only going to get worse. Once the show is over, this coven of craven fame whores won't even have an excuse to be in the press anymore. Then they'll have to try really hard, creating all sorts of fake events and silly projects to stay relevant and in the public eye. We're just dying to read Audrina's diet book, watch Kristin Cavallari on a very special episode of Intervention, and buy Stephanie Pratt's line of handbags from the Home Shopping Network.
These "stars" are nothing without the show and now that the show is ending, they should go back to being nothings. Lauren Conrad has been a great example, keeping mostly mum and out of the press ever since leaving the show last year. Let's hope this is a case study in the future of the rest of these misguided youth. America has already voted by tuning out the show, let's hope that the tabloids and gossips listen and give the cast the same treatment they give to Omarosa, Richard Hatch, and every other used-up reality show personality. We only want to hear from them if it involves murder, death, or arrest (no, sex tapes don't count, because they are such an inevitability for this gang). When it comes to all the mundane comings and goings, please keep it to yourselves, no matter how much Spencer Pratt yells, screams, and jumps up and down with his noodley arms waving above his head. After all, it's going to be hard to pay attention to these guys when we're following every detail of JWOWW's time in Miami.