Will Someone Please Lie and Tell Us this Recession Is Over?

The Way We Live Now: Unwilling to take a stand. The first step in making this recession end is to admit, bravely, that the recession is over. Then you get the bailout you so desperately need. Not before.

Hey, Greece just got their bailout. And do you know how they did that? They did it by stepping up to the plate and admitting, like a man, that this recession that indebted them to the point of insolvency is over. At least I assume they did something along those lines.

Here in the US of "Pay," though, we lack that courage. We lack the conviction to stand before the world and say, fuck all the "numbers," this recession is dead as a motherfucker, so fuck it. See, our fancy official panel here is "reluctant" to come out and say that the recession is over, due to the fact that "The committee acts only on the basis of actual indicators and does not rely on forecasts."

You know who relied on forecasts? Jesus. Look it up.

Sure, but try telling that to the average American. At this rate we'll be stuck in this god damn recession forever, with our miniscule, stalled faculty salaries, online criminals preying on poor unemployed suckers, hefty taxes on powdered drink mixes, and a Postal Service that is "not viable" to deliver mail while not going bankrupt, and meanwhile the pointy-headed academics on the National Bureau of Economic Research's Business Cycle Dating Committee keep right on equivocating and getting fellated by Business Cycle groupies while the rest of us just tread water because we can't afford any water wings.

Just "man up" and say this thing is over!

[Pic: Alexey Gostev/ Shutterstock]