Washington Mutual Bankers Too White to Fail

Maybe you can somehow forgive bankers for destroying our economy. But the lyrics of this rap, performed at a 2006 Washington Mutual "President's Club Dinner" in Hawaii, are unforgivable. They were revealed at a very awkward Senate hearing today.

The Senate Permanent Subcommittee on Investigations is currently looking into how Washington Mutual became the largest bank failure in history. Here is a hint: Two years prior, someone named KATHY and "BIG BUCKS" RAPPER performed this delightful ditty set to the tune of Sir Mix-a-Lot's "Baby Got Back"—a favorite of 13 year-olds and investment bankers everywhere.

Washington Mutual! Frankly, This does not look good. Are you bankers or participants in some awful University of Florida Business School hazing ritual? Did you wake up the next day, bleary-eyed and shamefully naked atop an Arby's roof? Or did just go ruin the economy? Here is how we imagine today's hearing went:

SEN LEVIN: Washington Mutual executives, you failed miserably and took an enormous chunk of the economy down with you. But, you know what? Everyone makes mistakes. You are free to go.

PAGE: (Running into the meeting room.) Wait! Senator Levin! Did you read this? It's a horrible rap about how Washington Mutual bankers are the worst humans on earth.

SEN LEVIN: My God.

WAMU EXECS: Um... can we go now?

SEN LEVIN: Send all the bankers to Guantanamo Bay. Every banker in America.

Nobody messes with Sir Mix-a-Lot. Not on Senator Carl Levin's watch.

Here's the full rap, via Dealbreaker:

Washington Mutual Bankers Too White to Fail

Washington Mutual Bankers Too White to Fail

Washington Mutual Bankers Too White to Fail

Washington Mutual Bankers Too White to Fail