Eric Massa's Sexy Funeral-Cruising Adventure

Thought tickling someone "till he couldn't breathe" was weird? Turns out Eric Massa had to be removed from a DC bar when he wouldn't stop making "inappropriate comments." Oh, and he hit on the bartender at a marine's funeral. Salty!

Back in March, snorkeler/salty old sailor Eric Massa (D-NY) was briefly the most hilarious member of Congress and the real-life version of Peter Graves' character in Airplane!. Then it became clear that he was more or less just a guy who was really confused, possibly unbalanced, and totally out of his depth, and everyone lost interest.

Until now! The Washington Post has been interviewing Massa staffers for more sexy naked Rahm Emanuel stories, and, well, it turns out that Massa has been confusedly groping at staffers and making lewd remarks basically since he was on the campaign trail. Among the charges turned up by the Post:

Hotel-room groping: Apparently, staffers complained of "unwelcome sexual advances" when sharing hotel rooms with Massa on at least two occasions. During the 2008 campaign, according to one staffer, Massa "tried to fondle a young colleague in a hotel room." He also once tried to take an intern with him on trips to the west coast before being (cock) blocked by his chief of staff, Joe Racalto.

Shacking up with staffers: Massa lived in a townhouse with three staffers, which caused "concern" to Racalto. The chief of staff sent out a number of memos warning staffers to "be extra careful who you bring home and how you conduct yourself" (stop being so sexy, congressional staffers!) before telling an aide to Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi that he would "demand that Massa move out of the townhouse."

Inappropriate bar-related behavior: At one point, Racalto "pulled Massa out of a Dupont Circle bar... when he could not get Massa to stop making inappropriate comments to a 21-year-old intern and another male staffer."

Cruising at funerals: Massa apparently hit on a bartender he met at the funeral reception of a marine from Massa's district who died in Afghanistan. And then:

Racalto said he also received a voicemail message from the bartender asking why Massa wanted to meet him in Buffalo, 85 miles away, for dinner. Racalto said he confronted Massa, and the congressman said he was trying to give the man a law school reference.

Yeah, if by "law school reference" you mean "a big gay blowjob to his male penis." Apparently, the whole hitting-on-the-funeral-bartender thing was the final straw for Racalto, who reported the incident to Majority Leader Steny Hoyer's office, at which point everything was set in motion for Massa's eventual resignation. [WP; pic via Getty]