Conservative savior Sarah Palin swooped into liberal Massachusetts yesterday for a rally on the Boston Common. There were lots of old white people, some stupid signs, and a bunch of boring speeches. We mingled. Here's what we saw.

If one theme stood out through the day — besides taxes and health care and hating the president and a Harry Reid obsession — it would be everyone going out of their way to say that they are, in fact, not racists. And Tea Party "volunteers" were out in force to make sure the big time wackos stayed out of the sight of cameras. The pimp sign below caused a minor scuffle between its owner, Steve from Woburn, and a Tea Party flack in a suit who tried to wrestle it away from his Freedom Grip. Steve won.

More county fair than political rally, the event drew probably 5,000 people, and the average attendee was pushing 60 years old. By comparison, the annual Boston Smoke Out (or Freedom Rally) draws about five times that number to the Common.

The ultra-xenophobic John Birch Society was there, too. They hate Newt Gingrich so much that they made a 33-minute DVD about him, The Real Newt Gingrich, which was available for free. Spoiler alert: Newt is a vile opportunist who only rears his ugly head when the economy is bad and ignorant minds are free for the picking. But not all Tea Partiers are ignorant. Others were selling Don't Tread on Me© and FoxNews Fan t-shirts for $20. Most vendors accepted credit cards, and none of them wanted to talk about how much money they were raking in from this grass-roots popular uprising.

There were protesters out against the Tea Party too, quite a few of them, but most were of the slightly annoying "I skipped my poli sci class at BU to confront these people" variety.

But how was Sarah's speech and what did she say? Make a wild guess! She gave shout-outs to the Celtics, the Constitution and God, and even said "you betcha!" The crowd loved it. The other D-list conservative speakers said more stuff about how "we're not racists!" and a lot of boring shit about health care and other beaten-to-death talking points. So, perhaps it was a stretch to think Boston would attract a raucous Tea Party crowd, chock full of white supremacists and other like-minded Patriots. Overall mark for the Tea Party Express: C. The counter-protesters: C-. Enterprising t-shirt salespeople: A+.

[Pictures: Jeff Neumann]

A Day With the Tea Party ExpressS

The other side of his helmet said "Nuke Em All"

A Day With the Tea Party ExpressS

"Hey mom, I hope you remember the day you made me hold signs that I don't understand when I drop out of high school and enter rehab."

A Day With the Tea Party ExpressS

OK?

A Day With the Tea Party ExpressS

James O'Keefe's legacy runs deep.

A Day With the Tea Party ExpressS

"I'll rip yah fahckin' head off and shit down yah neck."

A Day With the Tea Party ExpressS

No comment.

A Day With the Tea Party ExpressS

"Dood, make sure you get Sarah in the background. She's wicked fahckin' hot."

A Day With the Tea Party ExpressS

Homeless guys aren't allowed to enjoy the sun, only Tea Party Patriots can.

A Day With the Tea Party ExpressS

OK!

A Day With the Tea Party ExpressS

Just ask Tim LaHaye and Jerry Jenkins!