The End of the Great American SardineS

The Way We Live Now: Eating good in the neighborhood. The neighborhood is poor and strewn with corpses, and the eating is our final few precious cans of sardines. Still, it sure is good, relatively speaking!

We want you to jump up out of your chair and exclaim in joy, friends, because, get ready now, restaurants are back. Back! By that we mean that restaurants are now making money again, so they're hiring more, and, judging by statistical averages here in America, what that means for you is not that you will be eating at fancy restaurants, but rather that you have a better chance of getting a job as a dishwasher. Celebrate this!

Unless you like sardines. In that case, we have some bad news. The last sardine processing plant in America is shutting down. It seems that Americans nowadays are too good to eat sardines; they'd rather eat lobster, and other staples of the homosexual agenda diet. You know who still likes sardines, though? Cats. But they don't have any money.

It's always that way during a recession, isn't it? Things go good for a few, and the rest of us get left serving these few, and using their tip money to buy sardines for our cats, the only ones who love us, and plus we taught them to steal. Then the rich run off to their vacations in Switzerland or wherever, and when we get to our cut-rate long weekend in Acapulco, we find that six people have been killed in the main tourist zone.

Not tourists: Mexicans. Who would have rather come to America and worked in a restaurant, just like us. We'll pour out a sardine for you, friends.

[Pic via]