Larry King's Breakup Is About to Get Very Scary and Other Inevitabilities

Larry King plans to fight his wife in court. Charlie Sheen's wife moves out. Kiefer Sutherland is ejected from a strip club. Kim Kardashian has a new boyfriend. Ricky Martin may make a porn. Friday's gossip readies for date night.

  • It didn't take long for the Larry King divorce to get messy. The CNN artifact signed over his Beverly Hills mansion and two other vacation homes to his soon-to-be ex wife Shawn Southwick. Apparently she made him do it to show how devoted he was after she accused him of having an affair with her sister years ago. Now it seems like he is going to try to get them back in court, claiming he only signed them over because she used "undo influence" over him. King's argument seems to have something to do with her being mean and siccing her lawyers on him. We say her "undue influence" over King was having a vagina and his balls in her fist. Isn't that the "undue influence" attractive younger women have had on men since the dawn of time? [TMZ]

  • Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller are even closer than ever to being over. Apparently she has moved out of their house and taken the kids with her. A "friend" says she was trying to work on their relationship even after all the attacks and rehab and drama, but now that Charlie is back to his old coke-snorting, hooker-hiring ways, she wants out for good. At least he'll have lots of room for his coke-snorting, hooker-hiring orgy parties in that empty house. [Star]

  • Kiefer Sutherland getting thrown out of a London strip club drunk and shirtless is about as surprising as Charlie Sheen having an affair with a lingerie model/hooker. [P6]

  • That lucky bitch Kim Kardashian loves athletes and men of color and now she has been spotted in Spain making out with super hot soccer player Cristiano Ronaldo. The Real Madrid star is famous in Europe for his "footie skills," metrosexual ways, chiseled physique, and famous girlfriends. Well, Kim got at least part of what she wanted. He's an athlete, but his only color is a strange tangerine hue from fake tanning. [RadarOnline]

  • Lindsay Lohan is so hard up for work that she's starting to lie about new projects. She's telling people that she is set to star in Lovelace, a movie about Deep Throat actress Linda Lovelace. The problem is the producers of the movie say that Lindsay has absolutely no involvement whatsoever. Poor Linds. She's one step away from joining the "celebrity" boxing league her father runs. [P6]

  • Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt are officially over. If only he were an athlete of color he could move on to Kim Kardashian. [Popeater]

  • Dread-headed strummer Crystal Bowersox almost quit American Idol because she couldn't handle the pressure. Luckily Ryan Seacrest talked her off the ledge and back in the competition. After all, he knows a thing or two about having a bad haircut on national TV. [TMZ]

  • Both Susan Sarandon and Chelsea Clinton injured their ankles and are on crutches. New celebrity trend? [P6, P6]

  • Spendthrift and bankrupt movie star Nicolas Cage may have lost his New Orleans house to the bank, but he has a pyramid to inhabit in the Big Easy. That's right, just like a pharaoh Cage will be laid to rest in a triangular structure. His spending choices are as bad as his acting. [TMZ]

  • You can now dance at the Boom Boom Room! Oh, that's right, you probably can't get into the Standard Hotel club. Well, the Olsen twins can dance at the Boom Boom Room. Doesn't that make you happy? [P6]
  • We are very excited for newly out Ricky Martin's first big gay video for his song, "My Skin Talks" where he gets entirely naked for the cameras. Well, if his skin is talking what does that tattoo of a naked lady on his shoulder say? And if he's already getting nude for the cameras, why not take the $1 million offer a gay porn studio made to star in a skin flick? Not that we would want to watch such a thing. [Us Weekly, Gay Porn Times NSFW]

[Image via Getty]