This week, Oprah canceled prom because John Cook left. Here are Gawker's scientifically-determined posts of the week, sorted by new visitors in the last hour.

An investigation into the strange, sad world of paying Snooki to dance!

A huge fucking fireball that destroyed most of Madison, Wisconsin. I think.

Horror stories about Oprah, America's Empress.

A comparison of Jane Lynch and Madonna singing the same song.

That terrible Wisconsin DA who warned sex educators about jail time—thank god the fireball took care of him.

"The Justin Bieber Guide for Old People", still?

Hah, Jesus with a huge dick. That's a great one.

Vagina Vajazzling, still, also.