Study: All Teens Ever Do Is TextS

A new study from the Pew Center on What the Hell Are Teens Doing All Day found that teens send more than 50 text-messages (and/or pictures of their nude bodies) on their portable sex picture cameras (AKA "cell phones") daily.

Parents! Listen up. Researchers at the Pew Center's Internet & American Life Project managed to drag 800 teens out of the basement to survey them about what they're doing with that goddamn phone all the time. Here are some of the study's disturbing findings:

  • 75 percent of 12- to 17-year-olds own one of these newfangled mobile premarital sex-engendering devices. This is up from just 45 percent in 2004. If you did not buy them a cell phone, then it is likely they got it from their much-older boyfriend who smokes cigarettes, or bought it with the money they raised from selling marijuana to fellow teens

  • On average, teens send and receive just five phone calls per day, compared to 50 text messages. This is because you cannot send a picture of yourself naked via voicemail. If you see your teen texting a friend, ask them why they can't call. If they say they're just texting "to say hi," tell them to instead call up their friend, say "what's up?" and then hang up. If they refuse, they are probably sexting. If they accept, they are not sexting, but they may be having phone sex, so keep an eye on them anyway.

  • 1/3 of teens send more than 100 texts per day, or 3,000 per month. That's right: One American teen is capable of producing enough underage pornographic material to supply a small town in rural North Dakota for a year.

  • 43 percent of teens use their instant pornography devices during school hours. Why are our teachers not doing more to stop this? Unless... they're the ones sexting with the teens!

  • Girls send and receive 80 texts a day; boys only send and receive 30. This is likely because each girl is sending multiple sexts to boys in every grade. This is how they get the sexts out, by having a point person in each grade who then can charge other boys to look at the sexts and use the money to purchase drugs, which your daughter is addicted to.

Teens, you're grounded!

(Pic via Shutterstock)