Magical Retard Thomas Friedman says:
The world we live in today is a lot like a plate full of fake boobs. I thought that series of words while looking at new-fangled "media blog" Gawker on my iPad with a physicist, a puppeteer from Cambodia, the head of Daimler-Chrysler and television host Anthony Bourdain. The world is flat, oh most definitely flat. It could not be flatter. The world is flattened with a flattener called technology, driven by a flattening engine called the internet, which chuffs along and flattens things so that all peoples can stare at each other over a great, shiny plain and sell each other products. It used to be that I'd buy oranges from a Mexican lady at an intersection. Now that mexican lady has an iPad app. She's flat.
But on this flat plane, artifically smoothed by hot rolling internets and apples, there are still bubbles being created all the time. In the wake of hot flattening comes an artificial bubbling. But this artificial bubbling is coupled to an artificial bubbling in the mind of every American. As our economic reality grows small-scale boobs, so must our critical and theoretical reality grow those same boobs.
America must move forward into this new flat world, and we must do that with flat bubbles always in mind. The only way this can be achieved is if the business minds, those reservoirs of acumen and intelligence, those visionaries of tomorrow, start pairing off with the flattest, most booblical women in the country. With these living embodiments of my brilliant theories by their side, I predict the inspiration will raise their productivity by 1700%. That's not a joke. That's a percentage. Do you think those flat Chinese broads will keep erect the intellects of the Chinese business community in the future? The poor-quality implants of Hyderabad or Mumbai? No. The world of tomorrow can be dominated by America but only if we committ ourselves to a universal be-boobening.
Booblical is a term I invented right now, typing awkwardly on this wobbly pad. Booblicizing is a way of accessing the world of hyper-inspiration, it's a way of connection, a way of flattening. The only way to flatten is through boobs. Something hot. Lexus. Olive Tree. Steroids. Hot Flat.
Great. That's about 800 words. I'll expect my 15 000 dollars by the end of the week.