We appreciate that many of you watch trailers at work on computers with no speakers. To help you out, we watched the new Twilight trailer with no sound at all and tried to figure out the plot.
I am totally unqualified to be talking about Twilight, since I haven't seen any of the movies or read any of the books. I know a bit based on the tabloid reports of Bobby Pattinson and all his breakups with Kristen Stewart, and I think that Taylor Lautner is dreamy (and finally legal!), but that's about it. The rest of the plot I'm going to try to extrapolate from the silent trailer. The real deal is above, but check out our story boards below.
It is set in the same town as Twin Peaks, 20 years later.
There is a very handsome boy.
And a cancer patient.
They are fighting over a pretty girl.
In the scary and mysterious city...
...the cancer patient's doctor dies.
This makes the girl very concerned for her cancer patient.
But he has a new, and very creepy medical team. We think the one in the middle played a doctor on Nurse Jackie, so he's probably pretty good.
Oh no, everyone at the mill is on strike!
The girl everyone is fighting over has a best friend who is Goth and wears creepy contacts.
The cancer patient's doctor talks to the handsome boy.
There is a cure involving wolves, and only the handsome boy can help the cancer patient.
The cancer patient is worried because the boy who is friends with the wolves doesn't like him because he took his girlfriend.
It's the Twin Peaks lake. They're going to find Laura Palmer any minute.
That's not her.
It's Laura Palmer's zombie family.
The pretty girl's best goth friend has a hood. Maybe she is little red riding hood and has to help the wolves.
Now everyone is on the Ewok planet and there is going to be a giant battle.
The Zombie Palmers are fighting the wolves.
This makes the cancer patient very sad.
Now the Ewoks are flying around the forest.
Oh, the handsome man is shirtless. Who cares what is happening. We are there!
The pretty girl's goth friends got together and they are reenacting Superman II, but with one extra girl. She's an understudy. I am Zod!
Who is this crazy red-haired lady?
She's strong. She knocked down a tree.
The wolves do not want to become cancer food!
This has been Eclipse!