A supermodel says she's "praying over Kate's boobs." Spencer Pratt says they're still too small. Everyone's got an opinion on Kate Hudson's boobs—but are they really fake? Or is she pregnant? An photographic investigation featuring celebrity witness testimony.
I. THE PHOTOGRAPHIC RECORD
Exhibit A: Last week, Us Weekly broke the story that Kate Hudson got a boob job, bringing the flat plane of her chest to a modest but fuller-than-usual A or B cup. The story came as a shock. Kate had always been proudly—nay, defiantly—flat-chested, bragging how she could "wear a plunging neckline and have it be elegant." Indeed, plunging necklines framing wide spanse of sparsely-breasted chest has long been a Kate Hudson signature.
Exhibit B: Kate has neither confirmed nor denied the implant rumor. An appearance at last weekend's Coachella confirmed the larger-than-usual chest. But were they fake, or the product of minor weight gain? For these are not the uniformly spherical bubble-boobs of Dr. 90210. In fact, they appear to be ever-so-slightly further apart than the plastic surgeon's usual dictate.
When I worked in the lingerie department of Marshall Fields in the summer during college, I learned that the technical term for this is "wide-set breasts," a term that is really gross and sort of rude, because Kate's are perfectly lovely and just fine. And natural-looking, which is my point.
Exhibit C: Wait—is she pregnant? A larger-than-usual belly accompanied Kate's larger-than-usual chest on an outing yesterday. Rumor spoilsport Gossip Cop claims it's not true—but they don't have confirmation from Kate's publicist, either, because she has so far kept mum on the pregnancy rumor, too.
Exhibit D: But is this chest really beyond Kate's natural possibilities? A historical study of Kate's growing and shrinking breasts reveals that though they have been flatter, they have been larger, too! Kate's plunging neckline at the Raising Helen premiere was taken in the year of her son's birth, so yes, it was not permanent. But if she's pregnant again, who would be the father?
II. CELEBRITY WITNESS TESTIMONY
Kate may not be talking about her breasts, but other famous people, who do not possess and have neither seen nor touched them, are. Here's what they have to say.
My coffee was getting cold while I, heartbroken, sadly gazed at the before and after pictures of Kate Hudson on the screen. […] Was there a chance it was merely a hardworking push-up bra? I find myself practically praying over Kate's boobs. Pathetic, I know. […] My issue here isn't with Kate. If big boobs make her happier, then more power to her. The issue here, this fixing something perfect to something else perfect, is so much a sign of our times, and one that truly saddens me. —Supermodel Paulina Porizkova in a column for Modelinia