Why Do the Islamic Extremists Who Hate South Park Also Hate Triscuits?

Earlier today Revolution Muslim, the Islamic group that posted a veiled threat against South Park this week, called us "Darwinist faggots who are as despicable as the rest, walking around eating your Triscuits." But, we wondered, why Triscuits?

Younus Abdullah Mohammed, a member of the group, was behind the original quote. When pressed on his choice of Triscuits as a snack-based insult, he was curt in his response. "It doesn't matter what your favorite crackers or cookies are. They are not more important than the hegemonic wars the West is fighting against Islam." He refused to elaborate further on his disdain for the delicious wheaty squares.

The Triscuit website yields a few clues. Perhaps the squares, made of "soft white winter wheat," are too decadent. Indeed the ingredient is described as "a kind of cashmere of wheat because of its soft texture and delicate taste."

Basil Maglaris, a spokesperson for Kraft Foods, the company that makes Triscuits, was nevertheless also stumped when asked why Islamic extremists might target his innocuous and nutritious charges. "I don't think we have any comment on that," he said. "Triscuits are a very popular cracker. We have a broad variety of people who love them these days."

Except Islamic extremists?

"(Pause.) Everyone loves Triscuits, and we hope that everyone enjoys them." We consider this to be a coded call for unity and peace. The religious and the secular alike must enjoy the crackers of their choice, free from the tyranny of snack censorship.