We just came across a truly appalling sex column that Fox News — yes, that Fox News — puts its whole fair and balanced heft behind. Buckle up for a trip to the mile high club with 'Fox on Sex'.

No, before you ask, there are no tips on the titillating use of falafels. Instead, this week, Roger Ailes brings us a pseudo-pornographic description of mile high sex. Columnist Jenny Block paints quite a picture:

You catch her eye across the aisle. Not once, but again and again. You know that look. Can it be? Is this girl interested? You give her that knowing look back and then "the nod." Getting up from your seat, you hear the click of her belt releasing. You meet in the tiny space, slipping in together somehow unnoticed – you hope.

With little room to navigate, your bodies come together quickly and with purpose. Within moments, you both reach fever pitch and collapse against the thin divide between the two of you and the rest of the world. No names exchanged, you return to your seats. You just got your membership. Welcome to the Mile High Club.

Implausible porn plotline aside, we're not sure how this fits in with the network's emphasis on family values. To be entirely fair to Fox, MSNBC has a sex column too, albeit with a more hippy name. 'Sexploration', though, is not quite as racy. The headline on the page today? "Incurable gonorrhea may be next superbug."